10 October 2010

The Top 12 Bedtime Rules of a Russian Wife



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Larissa is an excellent Russian wife.  As such, she sees it as her responsibility to uphold these typical Russian rules…


Preliminaries!
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A.   Before you enter the apartment replace street shoes with тапышки (ta-pich-ky), slippers.
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B.  Immediately on entering change to your home clothes, usually sports togs or for older men, pajamas with a bathrobe.
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Now that you are safety at home, don’t just mindlessly flop down on the pullout bed!  You’re in Russia, and home etiquette forgetfulness can ruin a quiet evening!
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1.   Never sit in street clothes on sheets.
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2.  Never put slippers or (horrors!) shoes on the bed.
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3.  Shower with a мочалка (mo-cha-ka), a textured pleated sponge, with particular scrubbing attention to your legs, before lying on newly laundered sheets.
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4.  Never allow your sheet side to touch the floor (sort of like the American flag!).
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5.  Get to love the пододеяльник (po-do-de-yal-neek).  This is the bread part of the sandwich… sheets stitched together between which you slide the blanket, to keep it from getting dirty.
Only decadent civilizations put an exposed blanket on their beds!
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6.  Love also your подушка (po-dush-ka), a giant pillow of chicken feathers heavier than you are.
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7.  Put underwear and other clothes from the day on a chair, socks on a rung below.  If you leave such items on the floor you will be Shot at Dawn !
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8.  Pajamas are passe… most Russian men sleep without. 
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9.  Sleep not on your left side.  It’s probably true it can be bad for you..
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10. (my whispered advice)   Always take the  window side of the bed.  Russians often worry about сквозняк (skwoz-nyak), cross drafts, so open the window after she is asleep and close it before she awakes!
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11.  (more whispered advice)   Try to keep midnight kitchen raids secret.  Some Russians do not understand midnight Dagwood sandwiches. 
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12.  Kicking your wife while you’re asleep is considered unacceptable and suspect!
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How do these rules sound to you?  Are there similar cultural expectation where you live?  We love to hear from you… with information to add, things to correct, stories to tell!
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Please Click comments on the next to last line of this post.
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Technorati Tags: Russian bedroom rules, tapochy slippers, mochalka bath scrubber , pododeyalnik blanket cover, podushka pillow, pajamas, sleeping side, skwoznyak draft, Dagwood sandwich, Restless Leg Syndrome, sleep apnea.

9 comments:

  1. Your wife is great. Not every Russian wife is like that, I should know since I am Russian dude :)
    You're not going to find 20s something woman being so homey...
    take care.

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  2. Haha, great post!

    Although I haven't experienced all 12 of these, I do see many similarities with my girl..especially the near-obsessive attention to keeping the blankets clean. That, and not sleeping with the window open! Oh, and the arrangement of socks, underwear, etc...are we married to the same woman?!!?

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  3. this is funny :)))

    just a few things: it is тапочки; and russian women love eating during the night ( at least me and my mom do).

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  4. Thank you Anonymous!

    Yes, Larissa, is closer to my ideal Russian woman than some of the younger ladies.

    Ate the Paint... writes Mission to Moscow, a top blog.

    Happy to hear that some of the young women still care about Russian neatness, and worry about nighttime drafts!

    Thanks Mariprincipessa for noticing my poor English spelling/pronunciation for тапочки. I fixed it to tapochky and added a qualifier about Russian women and Dagwood sandwiches.

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  5. And...

    I'm gratified that you all found it funny, as my intent was to be accurate and hope that the result would be funny!

    Rob

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  6. I grew up in Germany and can attest to the same deadly fear of cross drafts. Taking my grandma out to restaurants often involved changing tables several times or even leaving if no draft-free place could be found. And blankets without cover sheets -gross! I also had the big pillow -my grandma had handplucked them for all family members.

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  7. Thank you Anonymous for your memories of a German childhood. Sometimes I assume that customs here are unique to Russia, when really they reflect more European attitudes. Have you written about your recollections?

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  8. I am a Romanian woman married with a Belgian guy, and everything above applies to me excepting the fact that I love to have a snack at night.
    Also I can add that Belgians don't understand how a draft can make you sick, it must be something specific to Eastern Europeans :)

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  9. To the lady from Romania,

    Yes, food tastes best sometimes in the middle of the night... I admit I often have a Finish cracker or two or three, spread with Valio cream cheese, or just rarely, make a full sandwich!

    After 10 years in St Petersburg, with a Russian wife, I now worry about drafts for our three parakeets!

    If your husband is Walloon then I guess Romanian is fairly close to French. Thank you for stopping by and commenting.

    Rob

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